twigging

Mouse: There's one, why don't we ask her?

Bird: She looks too busy.

Cat: Everyone's busy these days. If we waited for someone who isn't, we'd be here for ever, and then where would we be?

Bird: Here?

Cat: Oh, don't be so pedantic. Ask her. Jump on my back, mouse, you too, bird.

Mouse: What about all the equipment?

Cat: That will have to come too, obviously.

Bird: Excuse me, excuse me - please slow down. We want to talk to you.

Human: Me?

Mouse: Yes, we wondered if we could interview you?

Human: I don't like taking part in market research. Besides, I'm in a hurry.

Cat: Please? It's for our college project. It's about blogging and tweeting. It will only take a few minutes.

Bird: And anyone who participates will find that their name appears more frequently in SEOs.

Human: In whats?

Cat: SEOs. Search Engine Optimisations.

Human: Oh, well that's different then. You might have told me that at the start. So, how can I help you? Do you want to photograph me? If you do, my left profile is stronger. But I'll need to find a hat. And you should distort the proportions to make me look interesting. Aerial views are best, they introduce a sinister aspect that intrigues people - you could scramble up that lamppost, or fly. And I haven't quite decided on a nom de plume.

Mouse: Shall I begin, cat?

Cat: Yes, mouse, as we agreed. Easy questions first.

Mouse: Question number one: Do you blog or tweet?

Human: Both, as it happens.

Mouse: How long have you been blogging and tweeting for?

Human: Let me see. I have two blogs, the first one, which is about me, I started almost two years ago, the second one, which is written as a Russian cat, I've been doing for about eighteen months.

Cat: You blog as a cat? A real cat?

Human: My alter ego.

Mouse: You're a Freudian?

Cat: You're thinking of super ego, mouse. Anyway, stick to the script.

Bird: And tweeting?

Mouse: That's my question. You've just asked one of my questions.

Cat: Now, now, animals. Let's not get too intense about this. You'll have your turn in a minute, bird.

Mouse: How long have you been tweeting for?

Human: Several weeks only.

Bird: And what do you consider to be the main difference between the two methods?

Human: The main thing is length. There's no real constraint with a blog. Well, of course, you couldn't write a novel in the space. But you can write quite a lot. Whereas tweeting is confined to 140 characters.

Bird: So that affects what you write in a tweet?

Human: Yes, duh. You have to make each word count. You should do that with anything you write, actually.

Mouse: You're a writer? A real, live writer?

Bird: Hey, it's my turn to ask the questions.

Human: Yes, a real, live writer. And editor.

Mouse: Cool. I expect it's a wonderful life, yeah?

Human: It's more difficult than you might think. It's a tough world out there. Competitive. Isolating. There's more to it than composing nice little stories. It's a bit of a jungle. At best, a lottery.

Cat: Animals, remember this is a structured interview, not a semi-structured one. Stick only to the questions we agreed on, or else our research will be invalidated. There'll be time at the end for further comments.

Bird: Do you think there's a heavy element of egocentrism about both blogging and tweeting?

Mouse: Hey, that's a leading question. We've been taught about these. It's a leading question and that's not allowed.

Cat: Well done, mouse. Please formulate the questions as we agreed, bird. You have one last chance.

Bird: Sorry. In terms of egocentrism, what are your views on that in relation to blogging and tweeting? Is that better, cat?

Cat: Marginally. I thought we had all these questions written down.

Mouse: Erm, we did. But in the rush, I brought the wrong version.

Cat: Jees, in the name of the wee animals. Honestly, I couldn't trust you two with anything. I'll take over now. What, if any, do you consider are the drawbacks of blogging and tweeting?

Human: That's a huge question. I suppose the main one - for me, anyway - is that you can spend huge amounts of time on them and this takes you away from other writing. For example, at the moment I'm working on a final revision of my novel. So I do a bit of work on it then open up Twitter to see what's happening there. Find I have a new follower, check out that person, who she's following, who's following her. It could be ten minutes or longer before I return to my editing. Longer, probably. And I might suddenly get an idea for a post on my blog, and that could take me an hour. So, time, principally.

Cat: What other drawbacks are there?

Human: It's not exactly a drawback, maybe, but I have some ambivalence about the whole 'read me', self-promotion stuff. Writers have to promote themselves. But part of me feels a bit - repelled? Is that too strong a word, I don't know - by the process. It also feels manipulative. I start following someone's blog or tweeting in the hope they'll follow me. It's like a desperate search for attention. Not that I'm a cynic.

Mouse: But when I mentioned you'd appear more in SEOs your face lit up. I saw it.

Cat: MOUSE! This is unacceptable. Rude, inappropriate and thoroughly UNPROFESSIONAL. We'll have to erase that from the recording.... You have been recording this? You haven't? Jees, you useless bunch of tossers. F---