blot-twigging

Flea: Don't you think there's a strong element of cold blooded calculation in all this blogging/tweeting stuff?

Cat: All calculation is cold blooded. I hate it when animals are repetitious. Hey, who are you? Have we met?

Flea: Not officially. Although I have been living with you for several weeks.

Cat: You're a flea? Living in my fur?

Flea: That's been my experience, certainly,

Cat: But I'm scrupulous about hygiene. Anyway, flea, how come you know about the interview? The recorder wasn't switched on. There's no record of our conversation with the man about the pros and cons of blogging and twitting.

Flea: If you thought hard enough, you could work it out.

Cat: Oh, I see. You were there because you were in my fur at the time.

Flea: Exactly. Anyway, I am interested in the manipulative aspects of blogging and tweeting, tweeting in particular. My cousin, for example - I have a million or more cousins, by the way, but I'm close to this one. She's just started tweeting and-

Cat: I didn't know fleas were allowed to tweet. How on earth does this work?

Flea: Because of our relatively small size-

Cat: Relatively? Ha! You'd need a microscope.

Flea: Now, now. Don't be sizeist, please. We're only allowed four character tweets, so as you can imagine, we need to do about twenty tweets as a time in order to have anything worth writing about. My cousin - who's an aspiring writer, is desperately keen to become known, so she spends her time following all the literary agencies who represent flea writers. She's constantly on the look out for a witty reply to make to these tweets, so that they notice her and perhaps start following her blogs etc. etc. ad nauseam. She's so busy doing this that she's only written one word in the last six months. At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, is it worth it?

Cat: Hmm, I see your point. So, how many flea literary agencies does she follow?

Flea: Thousands. Fleas are well known for their prolific writing: poetry in particular, also short stories. And they're big on graphic novels.

Cat: Yeah, now I remember. I did receive a graphic novel written by a flea last Christmas. Weird characters though: caterpillars interbred with giraffes and rainbow coloured grasshoppers. It was really quite-

Flea: We're digressing here. My question for you is: Do you think the calculating aspect of tweeting is acceptable?

Cat: Well, it's less dangerous than offering outright bribes: If you agree to represent my novel, I'll give you my world renowned cheesecake recipe, or I'll catch any mice that dare enter your premises....

Flea: But it is cold blooded, ingratiating, surely?

Cat: We never thought it would be a perfect world. Now, I need to get on. I've stumbled upon a well-known writer, and I'm convinced that if he starts following me on Twitter, I'll get to go places. So, are you staying on me?

Flea: You're joking, huh? I read the calendar on the fridge. You have an appointment at the vet's this afternoon.