1. Socks would remain committed to each other and always be found in pairs - in the laundry basket and washing machine, on the pulley and subsequently on my feet. If I had a fiver for every 'single status' sock drifting aimlessly around the flat, I could keep myself in chocolate to a grand old age. 2. By intuition, when I put my hand into the card section of my wallet for my library card I wouldn't pull out my Boots Vantage one, when searching for my Bank of Scotland card, I wouldn't find only my gym card.
3. Raisins landing on the kitchen floor would instantly evaporate instead of forming a gooey mass ready to attach themselves to shoes.
4. Biros would stay put in the container by the phone, by my laptop, in my shoulder bag.
WHERE DO ALL THOSE SOCKS AND BIROS GO?
5. Linen shirts would take less than a week to iron.
6. Sofas would help my back instead of giving me pain.
7. When I used the phone I wouldn't have to wait long enough to visibly age before being put through to a human being ( wonder if anyone has ever died waiting to be put through to Child Benefit, Scottish Power or the City of Edinburgh Council. The tabloids would have a field day: Ms X was seventeen when she dialed the number. By the time someone said 'how can I help you?' she was a great grandmother of twelve. The chair she was sitting on was worn away and people were fed by their iPods.
8. The checkout queue I selected wouldn't be the one dealing with a dropped bottle of asparagus or a customer paying a £40 bill with one pence pieces.
9. Every second person I came across in the street wouldn't be speaking into a mobile phone.
10. Flights to France being advertised as £10 wouldn't end up being £200 by the time services etc. were added on.
11. That little rainbow coloured circle on my computer wouldn't spin around for six months while I despairingly waited for my instruction to be carried out.
Fortunately I'm not considering a career switch to politics.
Grumpily yours
Jane
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