bugs r us

I've been reluctant to overly publicise the fact that our bed is inhabited by bed bugs, fearing people's reactions:  reneging on lunch arrangements, invitations to book launches, refusals to cut our hair or inspect our teeth.

Our flat is in reasonable condition structurally, verging on clean, and moderately tidy.  We bathe daily and wear clothes that have been recently washed.  Our mattress is not that old, is intact and occasionally vacuumed.  Nevertheless those pesky creatures, possibly bored by a dormant existence, have decided to party at night.

Initial procedures involved steam cleaning the mattress and the bed.  Repeating the process a few days later.  It made no difference and by now the bed bugs, the active ones, were biting with a vengeance during the night.

We then purchased a lorry's worth of sprays, powders and insect bed bug destroyer bombs which promised instant death to our unwanted tenants.  We decontaminated the bedroom, put bedding on at a 60 degree wash (in retrospect, we should have chosen the 90 degree option).  We bought heavy duty creams and applied them regularly and vigorously, in the desperation to reduce itchiness.

We moved back into our bedroom, hopeful, if not convinced, that we'd solved the problem.

Soon after, the man of the house, Dr X, travelled to Norway for work, I remained at home, vigilant to evidence of further overnight activities in the bedroom.  There were none.  Dr X, however, emailed to say that he'd been bitten again, and we reckoned that some of the bugs had been clever enough to hide in his shirts, managing to avoid discovery by X-ray machines and passport control.  I reported back that I was fine.  Fine?  If only...  Several days later, I was itching again, not because of old bites, but new ones.  There was no avoiding the ugly truth - we had yet to sort the problem.

Now, Dr X has returned, and once more we are about to blast our bed with sprays (the bombs, we decided - well, he decided, and I'm not quite sure how he arrived at this conclusion - weren't that effective), and buy a bug proof mattress cover.  The bedding will be subjected to a 90 degree wash and once more, we will wait.  I will continue to make sure that before I leave home, my bag or daypack will contain a tube of itchiness-control cream.

Hopefully this time, our actions will result in the demise of these frighteningly resilient creatures.  Not convinced, we're prepared for the necessity of acquiring a new mattress.

Thank you for listening.

Jane