turning back the clock

Last weekend, I visited St Andrews. Fleetingly the decades evaporated and I was back for another term at the school I hated. It might be considered illogical to choose to return, but counteracting that was the knowledge I was free to leave whenever I wanted. And on a sunny day, the town has a pleasant ambience. There were weddings underway, young men in kilts, doubtless those who'd chosen to go commando for a laugh, hoping that the blustery wind would die down. There were also tours for fresher students, and overheard conversations conveying new friendships, a hint of anxiety about fitting in.












I walked along the West Sands, a large expanse of beach. At the start of my walk I noticed a lone stand up paddle surfer, further away some sailing boats. When I reached those 'boats', I saw that in fact they were land yachts. Back in the territory of the famous Royal and Ancient golf course, I became aware of the presence of wealthy American golfers.



















Later I made my way along South Street to my old school. With a delicious frisson of autonomy – unlike anything experienced during my four years of captivity there - I ignored the ‘Private’ signs and wandered round the grounds: past the old library, reputed to be haunted; the home of the head mistress; the teaching buildings. Then I followed the path to the school house I’d lived in, remembering the daily walks, wearing the uniform cloak to protect us from those bitter east coast winds.



Part of me wanted to bump into someone of authority, to have the opportunity to explain I was a former pupil. My curiosity about the school has lingered over the years. Negative experiences can retain such a grip. For much of my adult life, I have suffered from a recurring dream where I’ve been sent back again. School days are sometimes described as the defining ones. When I think of who I am now, however, there’s no obvious link to my time there. But who knows?

If you’d like to read more about those ‘defining years’, see my blog La Vida. http://janeriddellswriting.blogspot.co.uk/ Post of 1/4/12: A Boarding School Survivor.

Jane