I read yesterday that Pippa can be photographed 400 times a day, the paparazzi camped outside her home, waiting to capture her every breath. How long can this be sustained? How long before she decides she can't abide such frenzied, all-consuming attention and opts to move to Mars?
There was a time when I caught up with the latest celebrity gossip at the hairdresser or health centre, having my fix of who was shagging who, who'd had breast augmentation or nose jobs and was happy or deeply unhappy with the results. Now, of course, all that's required is to google. And it can become a habit, one that leaves you feeling a bit nauseated half an hour later, in the same way you might feel after a chocolate binge or having read a chapter of a trashy novel.
The build up to the Royal Wedding last April was understandable, especially, perhaps, after the Diana tragedy. Many people, myself included, would have found themselves more moved than they'd expected to be when watching Prince William marry his longstanding girlfriend, Kate. One might have expected the media circus to die down somewhat after this event.
But it seems that we, the general public, need to be drip fed news of every detail about Kate's life, particularly about her wardrobe. It's true that being tall, slim and beautiful, she would look good in a bin bag (provided it included a designer belt). But the fact that anything she buys from a 'normal' shop such as Zara, sells out in minutes after the source is revealed, says something about our desire to emulate the good looking Duchess of Cambridge. Not only do we want to buy copies of the dresses - the affordable ones, but there are articles online about how we can achieve the same eyebrows, about who is advising her on hand care. The list goes on.
Kate is currently on a pedestal, and being there is a vulnerable position, as there's only one place she can go. Off it. The fact that she, allegedly, practised her shooting, so that she could impress the older royals on Christmas Day, wouldn't have won her any brownie points with the anti-bloodsport brigade. Nor would her choice of a cashmere dress for visiting an organisation for the homeless have done her any favours, cosy as the dress looked.
Kate is becoming involved with many charities for which she should be applauded, although I should add, that were she not, she would be slated by many. To my way of thinking, she might spend less money on clothes. Of course she's not going to turn up at a gala event in an evening dress bought in Debenhams. But hearing that her earrings cost £15,000, doesn't give out the right message. Even if she is economy- conscious enough to wear them again.
As for the coverage of her more private life: reporting on what she buys in supermarkets, how Prince William puts out a supportive arm for her, how she runs a bath for him before he returns from his job as a search and rescue pilot.... Such reporting suggests surprise that a 'normal' woman, who's had a normal, if privileged upbringing, is doing something rather special in these activities.
Kate - and Pippa, seem to be smiley people. Quite an advantage - we're not all born to smile so readily. But how long will they remain smiling? If every venture Pippa makes outside her home, whether it's to go to work, buy a coffee, go clubbing, is a photographer's dream, only a maxi-egocentrist could survive.
As for Kate, not only will she have to continue to perform in public with all the publicity this brings, she will also be under scrutiny in private, whenever she is staying in an official residence with staff. I imagine that in time this could feel like being on constant display. There will always be the risk that a less than discreet member of staff is tempted by newspaper bribes to report on an overheard row between her and William, or the fact that she is now having one extra slice of bread at breakfast, prompting rumours about being under pressure to gain weight, or having one less slice, prompting speculation that she has an eating disorder. There is already a fixation with the poor woman's body weight. Next there'll be interest in her bowel movements or vulnerability to ear infections, nervous tics or bright lights ......
This makes the life of an ordinary punter like me seem wonderfully, thrillingly anonymous. No-one (apart from me), cares if I leave our modest home dressed in jeans that are slightly on the tight side, or with hair urgently needing a trim. No-one will report if I happen to give my partner a sour look before climbing into our van, just because he hasn't yet commented on something I sent him to read. No-one gives a jot whether or not I buy organic apples or gooey chocolate cake at Tescos. No-one knows who I am. WHOOPEE.
The extent of my interest in the young royals came home to me last week when I found myself in John Lewis - half way between the coat and underwear sections, stopping to look at a glamorous party frock, and caught myself thinking that it would look stunning on Kate Middleton. Not on me, not on a friend. On Kate. Such is the result of our ever developing media.
In the meantime, if I were to write to the Duchess of Cambridge, it would be to say: Don't wear blue, Kate. It's not your colour.
Reflectively yours
Jane
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