how much are you worth?

Have you any idea? Has it ever occurred to you that the contents of your bathroom cabinets might suggest you have too much cash tied up in stock?

My son is having trouble sleeping at the moment. And this is possibly why I am, too, a sympathetic response, no doubt connected to the days when I breastfed him and at some level was on call 24/7, waiting for his cry for milk or for comfort after a nightmare.




So when I awoke around 2 am last night/this morning, hoping he was finally asleep, at the same time suspecting it would take me some time to return to sleep, I decided to get to grips with the overspilling contents of the bathroom cupboards. This was something I'd been meaning to do for a while, but it could never take priority over the last meal's dishes, hanging up a washing or dusting.... yes, I remember that. Just.

Sorting through the cupboards was unexpectedly therapeutic. There's something inexplicably rewarding about rationalisation: emptying the contents of half a box of cotton buds into another half empty box. Likewise with packets of razor blades. Putting all the bottles of suncream on the same shelf. Throwing out dried up nail varnish remover pads: I can't remember when I last wore nail varnish. As Johnny English would say: "glamour is not a word that appears in my dictionary" - well, occasionally I aspire to it, with an emphasis on the 'aspire'.




Then there's all the stuff I'd forgotten we had. We won't need to buy any more facial exfoliation creams, attachments for electric toothbrushes or moisturisers - for decades. We could set up a dispensary for those requiring mouthwashes, nasal decongestants and creams for contact dermatitis.

An hour later I returned to bed, with four cellulite patches attached to my legs, secured by a newly chopped- off-at-the-knees pair of tights; Badger Sore Muscle Rub on my back, Burt's Bees Beeswax and Banana Hand Creme smeared over my hands, reeking of Anaïs Anaïs perfume. Needless to say, the man of the house is away at the moment. And if he hadn't been, he might well have suddenly decided to leave.



Tomorrow I will use Elsyl Bath and Shower Cream with Ginseng which, according to the bottle, is a traditional Chinese remedy for weakness and fatigue. I don't have the weakness, I will certainly be fatigued. Hardly surprising.


Sleepily yours

Jane