islands or continents

'No man is an island' declared John Donne, an English poet from the Renaissance period. Not everyone would agree with this statement, however. Hugh Grant, one of the lead characters in the film About a Boy refuted it hotly, stating he was the island of Ibiza. By the end of the film, his personality had undergone change, in the form of meeting a woman he cared enough about to want more than an uncomplicated fling, leading to his conclusion that he was part of an island chain.







Donne meant that human beings don't thrive when isolated from others. I was thinking about this in relation to my writing. When I gave up paid work I worried about missing it from the social aspect, something that proved to be the case. I didn't miss it cerebrally - writing and homeschooling my son (temporarily), more than met that need.

What I have realised more recently, and it's something with which many writers will identify, is the need for feedback, for something to encourage and energise us to keep going. When I worked, there would be evaluation forms from training programmes I'd facilitated, often, fortunately, containing affirming comments about the value of the course. There'd be enthusiastic comments about a health promotion booklet I'd produced. Of course there were things that could be improved. People willing to make suggestions. But you knew how you were doing.




With writing, if you get to the stage of an agency agreeing to represent your work or a publisher prepared to accept your book, then of course such feedback will be an integral part of the process. But what can you do until/if you reach that stage? I was discussing this need with my writing mentor last night. The need that most of us have for external validation. Having recently left her full time job, she could identify with how I was feeling, furthermore with the fact that there are some people who are quick to articulate something good about someone else, others who perhaps assume you know what's good and don't actually spell it out.

She and I agreed that we need to have people tell us something rather than just intuit, especially if we are prone to slip into negative mode, in the absence of a positive comment. I'm lucky to have writing friends with whom I can give and receive feedback. Sometimes it's not enough, though, and perhaps this is the writer's lot. Actually, the mentoring session was very positive despite being conducted via SKYPE, which doesn't always work for me. This mentoring relationship is emerging from its embryonic stage and last night I experienced a warmth woven throughout our discussion that left me more energised and less negative than I felt when I logged on.

It's important to be aware of our needs and then find ways of meeting them. I've written before about checking statistics to see how much my blog's being read. Not, I think, that I'd stop if no-one was reading me, but certainly high ratings are affirming because it's only too easy to tell yourself your writing isn't worth the effort and you should spend your time becoming a better cook or taking up golf.



A wise person once advised me to keep a 'stroke bank'. This is a simple thing to do and it doesn't matter where you do it: computer or notebook. Every time someone says something nice about you, jot it down. On a bad day, when engulfed by paranoia, convinced that no-one has any time for you, you are incompetent in anything you attempt to do, go to the file on your computer or dig out the notebook and read back what people have said. Chances are these comments are still valid.





Affirmingly yours

Jane