they were right

They never said it would be easy and they were right, as the saying goes. Well, of course they couldn't be wrong about something they hadn't said. Think about it.

It was with that in mind that I returned from John Lewis at lunchtime today, remembering the horror of shopping around Christmas. My ambitions were modest: plastic backings for earrings and some charity Christmas cards. But even that was hard going with the crowds. Other people's bonhomie is tiresome, depressing perhaps. And there is nothing worse than the high spirits surrounding the festive time of year. I'm a cynic of course. Not being religious, Christmas isn't a special time for me. And the custom of eating and drinking to excess for two weeks verges on obscene, likely to bring out my puritanical side.

When it comes to it, I will buy turkey and all the trimmings, and as once more we will be spending the holiday in France, will bring together both British and French culinary customs, bread and cranberry sauces nestling up to celery sauce and chestnut stuffing. The Yule log commingling with fresh fruit salad. But I digress...

What I started off to write out about was what happened when I returned home from town to a phone message from my aunt, M. I returned her call, to be put through to the carer/housekeeper, and yet again was bombarded with a list of things the agency carers aren't doing or doing wrongly: leaving the key safe open, not cleaning the commode, being sloppy with administering medication. It is always my unfortunate job to pass on these complaints to the agency. And once more I was aware of being caught up in a circle of those involved in my aunt's care. Aware of unprofessional behaviour. Aware of everyone being critical of everyone else. The irony, of course, is that as 'co-ordinator' of this show, it's for me to sort out problems. And I see a vicious circle here:

carer/housekeeper unhappy with agency carer practices -> asks me to intervene -> speak to agency who accept my complaints but are maybe not happy with my having complained -> they mention this to my brother, a social worker -> hints to me that I should be careful about what I say to agency (which of course I am)-> I feel miffed because I'm only wanting the best care for M.

Aaaaaagh...

I think one of the things that appalls me most about this situation is the bitching that goes on. One agency carer will criticise another agency carer to M. The housekeeper criticises all the agency carers in front of M. describing them as 'useless'. The housekeeper has even criticised me to M. What happened to professionalism? Has it become extinct, like the dinosaurs? Aren't people trained properly now?

I blogged recently about not being superwoman. I haven't forgotten that. But sometimes I have to intervene. The salutary lesson is the need to lower my expectations.




Disappointedly yours

Jane