government warning: this is heavy

Life's a bitch and then you die, as the saying goes, not an adage I care for.

As babies we're born with an infinite amount of trust. If we're lucky, we still have this when we become adults. I was lucky. A bitter lesson to learn, though, is that trust can be misplaced. Another lesson: doing the right thing when we're treated badly - being assertive, sticking to principles - doesn't necessarily work in our favour. Life isn't always fair. Something happened today that reminded me there are people who will stab us in the back, lash out for no apparent reason. This is more likely to do with their problems, their anger, feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. Nevertheless it hurts.

What we can do is accept some responsibility for how we let such behaviours affect us. A sage once advised me to keep a stroke bank. This is a list of positive comments people have made about us. When we're down, we can turn to this resource, read what others appreciate in us. I have a stroke bank, and I'll look at it this evening. Other strategies for pulling myself up again: meditation, relaxation, exercise, listening to music. And of course, there's always chocolate.

My most avid supporter, on-tap, long-suffering, loving and patient partner, is speeding his way towards Brussels as I write, so there's no-one here to aid my recovery. Maybe this is a good thing. I'll have to do it myself. I would rather not be in this situation but it's an opportunity to practise being robust. As the saying goes - bloody but unbowed. Sometimes when things are bad, anger surfaces, an anger which can be channelled into positive energy, an inner voice saying:'I won't let you reduce me to rubble' and this is what I'll do to prevent it happening.

I apologise if the above sounds like a mixture of lecture and rant. As Bob Hoskins said: 'It's good to talk.'


Here is one of my favourite poems:

I give you

The sea fills my spirit
With the pink and gold of sunset
Reflected in the beating pulse of the evening wave,
Pulsing within my own heartbeat.
White sands of evening,
Blue mountains of night to come,
Silver spray - rose waves of sunset
Whispering.
I thought of you and wanted to give you
Something eternal,
Something more beautiful than man's creation.
I wanted to give you
This evening of such beauty,
In a silver casket.

I'd love to be at a beach this evening at sunset...


Here are some of my favourite quotes:

If I rely on too many people, I increase my chances of being disappointed. (sadly this is the case)

The quality of our thoughts determine our own personal degree of happiness. (a difficult one for me)

The only thing that keeps people back is not believing they can do it. (go for it...)

Dimensions of one's personal power are limitless. (hopefully)

Nature presents us with an infinite variety of attitudes - from gloomy mist to glorious sunshine. Our own moods, whether gloomy or bright, radiate to those around us. (something for me to remember)

Don't ever try to understand everything - some things will just never make sense. (true)

Everything I didn't do yesterday, added to everything I haven't done today, plus everything I won't do tomorrow, completely exhausts me. (very true)

and even:

By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely overwhelm me. (even truer)

Endeavouringly yours


Jane